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                            THE DIETER'S GUIDE TO
                           WEIGHT LOSS DURING SEX
                           ======================

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ACTIVITY     CALORIES BURNED      ACTIVITY     CALORIES BURNED

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REMOVING CLOTHES:                 ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE:
With partner's consent.....12          Shoes flew off...............35
Without partner's consent.187          Expression didn't change....1/2
                                       Orchestra swelled.............6

UNHOOKING BRA:                         Birds sang
Using two calm hands........7          Large birds..................7
Using one trembling hand...36          Small birds..................3
                                       Earth moved..................30

Lifting partner............15     PULLING OUT:
Dragging partner on floor..16          After orgasm................1/2
Using skateboard............3          A few moments before orgasm.500

ACHIEVING ERECTIONS:              PENIS ENVY:
For normal healthy man....2.5          For woman.....................3
Losing erection............14          For men......................72
Searching for it..........115
                                  GUILT:
PUTTING ON CONDOM:                     Despite no formal training,
With erection.............1.5          orgasm comes easily..........53
Without erection..........300          You're enjoying sex,despite the
                                         fact that other people are
INSERTING DIAPHRAGM:                     starving......................2
If the woman who does it is            Sex on your lunch hour........3
Experienced.................6          Putting it on expense account..20
Inexperienced..............73    
If a man does it..........680     
 Add (5) calories for retrieving    AGGRAVATION:  
 it from across the room               Partner keeps showing plants..5
                                       Partner insists on cuddling the
                                         dog during foreplay..........14
                                       Partner visiting bathroom for
.                                        7th time.....................10
ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY:              Partner taking phone calls....7
Italian- Man on top,woman in           Partner making phone calls...40
kitchen....................26     
Russian- Woman on bottom,         
Man getting permission.....55
American- Both on top......60       GETTTING CAUGHT:
                                       By partner's spouse..........60
SIDE EFFECTS INTERCOURSE:              By your spouse..............100
Bouncing....................7          Trying to explain............55
Sliding around..............9          Trying to remain calm.......100
Serious skidding...........12          Leaping out of bed...........75
Whiplash...................27          Getting dressed in one motion...500
                                       Thanking partner quickly......2

ORGASM:                                                                          
Real.......................27
Faked.....................160